Okay, so now I’m addicted to this sh1t

You would think that I would know better… Actually to be quite honest I do know better and perhaps I just don’t care. Bottom line is I have an addictive personality.

So… Red Bull

The woman I love came home with a Red Bull, my first reaction: “hey that sh1t’s bad for you”. Of course my second reaction? ” What does that taste like anyway, let me have a sip”…

This would be a good time to tell you about my first experience with an energy drink, it went just like this: Standing in the parking lot in front of an AA meeting a friend of mine named Chris handed me a Monster. Three or four hours later I cried myself to sleep on the couch at an AA candlelight meeting…

My lovely wife hands me a Red Bull and I take a sip.

So this happened.

They say that Red Bull gives you wings. Yeah, false advertising, I have no wings, but what Red Bull did give me was anal palpitations in this strange tingling in my scrotum… I can’t think of a Time that I was more awake to reality as it is.

Red Bull also says that it’s “lightly carbonated”, again I call BS… What Red Bull actually has are tiny bubbles that penetrate sublingually and drive caffeine and taurine and whatever other crap it has in it directly into your bloodstream.

Within a week I was buying Red Bull energy drink in the small 8.4 Oz cans… That lasted for a minute, I switched to the 16 oz cans.

So… At this point I’m trying to control and enjoy my Red Bull intake… I’m also trying to hide the fact that I drink this sh1t… Hiding it behind my back when the camera is pointed to me, passing the thin little aluminum can underhanded like a person would with a joint at a concert… That is like before they legalized pot now everybody’s ripping on a bong wherever they are.

And here I am some months later 20 oz can in hand big as sh1t pounding down Red Bull in front of God and everybody… Going broke because don’t you know this stuff is expensive.

Is Red Bull worth the cost?

I don’t know and I don’t give a crap it may not give me wings however it’s greatly enhanced the quality of my superpower… Which is chronic insomnia.

God I love this stuff.