Midget Cops and Other Oddities
I don’t know about you but I pretty much lost all respect for authority by the time I was 14 years old… At some point in my 20s I gained a little but lost it again in short order… It’s not like I called them Pigs and shouted “Stick it to the Man” but I did seem to feel better when the authorities were not around.
I was surprised the first time I ever saw a smallish female police officer, the thought in the forefront of my mind was what the hell would she do if a guy my size resisted? Not that I’m a giant brawler but a 6′ tall guy in good shape could easily overpower her regardless of any combat training this girl had.
From that point in time (early ’80s) ’till now cops have been shrinking and yesterday it became apparent to me how ridiculous this has become.
I was on my way into Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf for my fix and there standing at the door was a Midget in a police uniform… The dude was tiny, like maybe not even 5′ tall. The pistol on his hip made him look cartoon like because the muzzle almost reached his knee while the butt was nearly in his armpit… He opened the door for me and I’m sure I hesitated because I was thinking “Now, if I put my foot in the middle of this cop’s chest I could just step on him like a grape”. I mean, you could actually pick this cop up and toss him head first into a trash can and nobody would know he was in there.
Really Fat Cops
Again sitting in Coffee Bean in walked this Probation officer tactical holster, all sorts of gear hanging off her, flack fest on the outside with big yellow “PROBATION OFFICER” on the back and I swear to God… 5’5″ and 350 lbs… Not Chubby… Phuckin FAT.
I couldn’t contain my self and struck up a conversation: “So if you were coming to get like Umm, let’s say me, what would you do if I ran? Because let’s face it, there is no effin way you are going to chase me down”. She hit me with that practiced cold cop stare. I continued “And babe don’t tell me you would shoot me ’cause I doubt you can even reach that pistol let alone draw it past that gut you got going there’.
The stare vanished and her nose went up in the air… I thought I might be in for a lecture but that was it.
Cops That Are Pigs
I’m generally a reasonable guy and I know damn well when to keep it cool and not cause problems, “trouble is trouble enough… so just bee cool”
Over the past 30 or so years I have seen a lot of changes in society as a whole and how people view things… Mostly changes for the worse so I don’t know why I was shocked when I was left in a room with no water for something like 24 to 36 hours. I don’t know why I was shocked when I was told while in that room I wasn’t getting out of there alive, or when the first punch landed… It just didn’t occur to this old surf rat that I had more to fear from the Sheriff’s Deputies that run the jail than the Vatos, Homies and Brothers… Hell they were cool and one (Cholo… A term from my youth) “gangster” helped clean me up off the floor once after one cocksucker with a badge kicked my feet out from under me… Wham… Head into the floor.
It just… Blew my mind. So, there you are.